How Grandma Almost/Might Have Killed Santa

My grandmother is getting dementia. She remembers a lot of things and can tell stories about her childhood and even some stories from ours, but she forgets names (she had forgotten my mom), and names of things (hallways are alleys), and what she ate yesterday.  She thought the last time I'd been to see her was when my youngest was a toddler, but that isn't the case.  We just saw her this summer.  A visit during which she fell and broke her hip.   And I just nodded, because letting her think I've avoided her for three years somehow seemed better than bring up that horrible day.

So the visit went pleasant enough - until we brought up Christmas.  And I joked at my girls that if they were naughty Santa would bring them coal in their stocking.  And then laughed and said "Isn't that right, Grandmother".  I expected her to have my back.  Boy was I wrong.  She said, "I don't remember that,but I do remember one year when money was real tight and we bought one ride on toy for all three boys to share and told them that Santa didn't have much money"  (insert record scratch sound effect now!)  Woah!! My head was reeling and inside I'm screaming, "Grandmother! My kids! They are sitting right here.  They believe!! They believe!!"    I smile at my grandmother and then looked deliberately at my daughter sitting by me as if to say 'follow my eyes - see her'  and I stroked her hair...or maybe I smacked her head repeatedly trying to get my Grandmother so see her and stop,  but she went on....  "And the little boy up the road saw their present and said, "Boy are you lucky. Santa didn't even stop at my house""    And I quickly changed the subject, hoping my child wouldn't catch on to what she had said.  The youngest, buried in her DSi, seemed to be spared the trauma of having dreams of Santa killed by Grandma.

I turned the subject to school.   And Grandmother asked the girls if they liked school and they said, "Yes! We do!" and Grandmother said, "Well that's good I never did."  And I was all like, what the heck is all this truth telling? We don't tell children the truth! We tell them we loved school and there is a Santa Claus.  You lie to children - that's the rules!  That's what we do.